No Answer Andy’s £3 Trillion Circus, Where the Money Vanishes, the Jobs Disappear and the Clowns Keep Spending.
Welcome back, dear readers, to another riotous week beneath Westminster’s Big Top of Blunders, where No Answer Andy is back in the spotlight, the Treasury jugglers are throwing billions into the air, the Cabinet contortionists are tying themselves in knots over Brexit, and the national debt has become so enormous that even the circus elephant is beginning to look rather petite.
Fourteen weeks into the Labour circus, the tent is still standing, although the ropes are fraying, the audience is considerably poorer and somebody has apparently misplaced the nation’s financial future. This week’s star attraction is a number so spectacular that it deserves its own enormous illuminated billboard. £3,000,000,000,000. Three trillion pounds. That is the scale of Britain’s national debt, a milestone that ought to concentrate minds in Westminster. The debt has accumulated under successive governments, and it would be dishonest to pretend Labour created it all. Nevertheless, the latest borrowing figures have once again exceeded forecasts, adding to the pressure on a Government promising better services, stronger defence and economic growth.
The Treasury jugglers have responded in the traditional Westminster manner, by preparing to juggle even more money. One imagines No Answer Andy standing in the centre ring, proudly announcing that everything is under control, while behind him a clown in a Treasury waistcoat attempts to catch a £3 trillion cannonball with a butterfly net. And if that were not enough, the public sector pensions bill is forecast to exceed £60 billion, another substantial commitment competing for space in the nation’s increasingly crowded finances. Public sector workers earn pension entitlements as part of their remuneration, and those commitments cannot simply be dismissed as waste. But their growing cost illustrates the difficult choices facing governments when spending obligations rise faster than the money available to meet them.
Naturally, Westminster’s solution appears to involve another exciting new attraction, the Great British Taxpayer, a remarkable creature capable of producing money indefinitely, provided nobody asks how long it can survive. Which brings us to the Chancellor’s latest reported idea, changing the tax treatment of family businesses passed from parents to their children. For generations, families have worked to build companies, employ people and pass their businesses to the next generation. Now reports suggest ministers are considering further restrictions on inheritance-related reliefs. No final policy should be confused with a measure already enacted, but the prospect has understandably alarmed family business owners who fear being forced to find substantial sums when ownership changes.
It is a curious way to encourage enterprise. Spend a lifetime building something, create jobs, pay taxes, take risks, and then discover that the Treasury may be waiting at the end with an enormous collection bucket. Roll up, roll up, for the incredible disappearing family business!
The employment market, meanwhile, is hardly supplying much cause for celebration. Vacancies have fallen to levels not seen for around five years, according to the latest reports, raising concerns about the strength of hiring and the opportunities available to people seeking work. Falling vacancies can reflect several economic forces, including weaker demand, changing labour supply and businesses becoming more cautious. It does not mean every employer has stopped recruiting, but it is hardly the booming jobs market ministers would prefer to advertise. The circus employment office currently appears to have plenty of applicants for the role of Government Spin Doctor, but rather fewer openings elsewhere.
And just when you thought the financial contortionists had exhausted every possible position, along came the great green energy disappearing act. Taxpayers have reportedly spent around £1 billion over six months funding arrangements designed to keep certain green policy costs off household energy bills. The costs have not simply vanished. They have been transferred from one part of the public finances to another. It is the oldest trick in the political magician’s handbook. Look, ladies and gentlemen! We have removed the cost from your energy bill! Wonderful. Where has it gone? Behind your back, into your tax bill. The balloon modeller proudly presents a magnificent creation labelled CHEAPER ENERGY, while the Treasury quietly inflates another one labelled PUBLIC EXPENDITURE. One suspects both are attached to the same pump.
And if the economic circus is looking uncomfortable, the constitutional ring is positively bursting with contortionists. Labour has reportedly begun spending money preparing for votes at 16 before Parliament has completed the legislation required to make the change. There is a perfectly legitimate debate about lowering the voting age. Supporters argue that young people affected by political decisions deserve a say, while opponents question whether the age of electoral participation should be changed. But Parliament must approve the law before the reform takes effect. Preparatory expenditure does not itself make the change unlawful, although taxpayers are entitled to ask what is being spent and what happens if the legislation is amended. No Answer Andy’s latest balloon animal is labelled DEMOCRACY. The Opposition is asking to see the receipt.
Meanwhile, the Brexit contortionists are back for an encore. A think tank has urged Burnham to begin preparing Britain for a possible return to the European Union, reopening a debate that has barely left the political stage since 2016. A think tank’s recommendation is not Government policy, of course. But it raises familiar questions about the direction of Britain’s relationship with Brussels and the promises made to voters. The circus orchestra strikes up another rendition of Should I Stay or Should I Go, while the ringmaster assures the audience that nothing has changed. Nothing, that is, except the conversation.
Over in the immigration ring, Labour has acknowledged that thousands of people have relied on human rights provisions in applications or appeals to remain in Britain, while maintaining its commitment to the European Convention on Human Rights. Human rights protections exist for important reasons, including preventing torture and protecting family life. Not every successful claim represents an abuse of the system, and the number of claims cannot alone establish how many people would otherwise have been removed. Nevertheless, there is a serious debate about the interaction between immigration control, domestic legislation and international obligations. The Government’s task is to explain how its policies will work in practice, not merely to promise stronger borders while leaving the audience wondering which rules apply.
And then we reach the defence ring, where the atmosphere becomes considerably less amusing. The SAS Regimental Association has reportedly warned that arrests involving former special forces personnel could have consequences for national security, as legislation concerning the legacy of the Troubles returns to the Commons. Allegations of serious wrongdoing must be investigated lawfully and fairly. At the same time, legitimate concerns about operational secrecy, the protection of intelligence and the treatment of veterans deserve proper consideration. This is not an argument that can be resolved by simply declaring one side right and the other wrong. But it does require clear answers from ministers.
The Great British PAC has also raised concerns about Britain’s battlefield readiness amid reports of reductions to Army capabilities. Modern armed forces must adapt to changing threats, technologies and budgets. Yet there is a difference between modernisation and allowing essential capabilities to decline without credible replacements. Defence spending is not an abstract Treasury exercise. It determines whether Britain can meet its commitments, support allies and protect its own people. A cardboard tank painted in Union Jack colours may look magnificent beneath the circus lights. It is considerably less useful when somebody needs a real one.
And finally, we arrive at the NHS, where the Great British PAC has challenged ministers over concerns about patients being lost within administrative systems and the adequacy of official answers. The NHS treats millions of patients, and its staff work under considerable pressure. But administrative failures can have serious consequences, particularly when people are waiting for investigations, treatment or follow-up care. The public deserves transparent reporting, reliable records and clear accountability when things go wrong. A disappearing patient is not a magic trick. It is a potential patient safety failure.
And so ends Week Fourteen beneath Westminster’s Big Top of Blunders. Britain’s national debt has passed £3 trillion. Borrowing has again exceeded forecasts. Public sector pension costs are heading towards £60 billion. Businesses face uncertainty over possible tax changes, job vacancies have weakened, and taxpayers are meeting substantial costs associated with energy policy. Meanwhile, ministers are preparing electoral reforms, facing renewed arguments over Brexit and the ECHR, and answering questions about defence readiness, veterans and NHS accountability.
No Answer Andy remains in the centre ring, naturally, wearing his enormous red nose and announcing another dazzling programme of change. Behind him, the Treasury jugglers are desperately trying to catch £3 trillion, the employment clown is searching for the missing vacancies, the Brexit contortionists are bending backwards towards Brussels, and the energy magician has made a billion pounds disappear from household bills only for it to reappear in the public accounts. The welfare elephant is standing on the national balance sheet, the defence acrobats are performing without a safety net, and the balloon modeller has produced an enormous inflatable masterpiece labelled EVERYTHING IS AFFORDABLE.
Unfortunately, it has begun making a rather alarming hissing noise. Fourteen weeks into the Labour circus, the ringmaster is still promising that the next act will explain everything. The audience is still waiting, and somewhere in the Treasury, a clown has just discovered that the national debt has more zeros than his calculator has room for.
Same circus. Bigger bills. And this time, even the elephant is looking for the exit.
READ ALL ABOUT IT: Links to this week’s top Labour circus acts below:
