No Answer Andy and the August Circus Nobody Appears to Be Running.
Welcome back, dear readers, to Week Five beneath Westminster’s Big Top of Blunders, where Parliament is not even sitting, the politicians are scattered around the country, and yet somehow the circus continues producing enough material to fill three rings and frighten the elephants.
You might imagine recess would provide Britain with a brief holiday from political absurdity. Apparently not. This week we had a Prime Minister reportedly exchanging messages with a fraudster impersonating Donald Trump’s chief of staff, Angela Rayner facing accusations of spectacular hypocrisy over second jobs, plans for officials to inspect homes under a proposed property tax regime, controversy over sentencing, rising inflation, climbing welfare costs, planning powers being shifted away from councils, and even cigars finding themselves dragged into the ring. Parliament may be closed, but the clown car is apparently self driving.
The star attraction was No Answer Andy himself. Burnham reportedly exchanged messages with somebody pretending to be Trump’s chief of staff, an episode critics promptly branded “amateur hour”. Political leaders are obvious targets for sophisticated impersonation and fraud, but there is something irresistibly circus like about the Prime Minister apparently believing he is communicating with the White House only to discover that somebody has wandered into the diplomatic tent wearing a fake moustache and carrying a homemade security pass. Somewhere, one hopes, somebody has now changed the passwords.
Then came Angela Rayner, whose relationship with political consistency provided another fine performance. After previously arguing for restrictions on MPs earning money from second jobs, reports revealed she had herself received £182,000 from outside work. Labour’s contortionists normally require decades of training to bend themselves that far backwards.
Meanwhile, the Treasury circus continues searching for money behind the sofa. Proposals surrounding Burnham’s so called mansion tax have reportedly included property inspections to determine which homes would be caught, immediately producing images of officials arriving with clipboards to decide whether your kitchen extension has made you sufficiently wealthy for another contribution. At the same time, Britain’s national debt continues hovering around the £3 trillion mark while welfare spending climbs. The political magician keeps reaching into the taxpayer’s hat, but increasingly the only thing coming out is another tax bill.
Planning offered another dramatic act, with mayors being handed powers to intervene in major developments previously determined locally. Supporters will argue this could break planning deadlock and accelerate housebuilding. Opponents will reasonably ask what happens when elected councils and the people they represent say no. Apparently the new solution to local democracy is increasingly to keep asking until somebody higher up gives the preferred answer. Even circus audiences normally get to boo.
Immigration produced perhaps the week’s most surreal headline, after attention focused on official information provided to asylum seekers explaining British laws around rape and sexual consent. Governments have legitimate reasons for ensuring newcomers understand the law, but the mere fact such material is considered necessary inevitably prompts uncomfortable questions about integration, expectations and precisely whom Britain is admitting. It is not a story easily transformed into a cheerful balloon animal.
Criminal justice was equally grim. Labour faced criticism over cases in which child sex offenders and violent offenders avoided immediate imprisonment, while separate rows continued over traveller sites and enforcement. Sentencing decisions involve judges applying legislation and guidelines to individual circumstances, rather than ministers personally deciding each case, but governments ultimately remain accountable for the legal framework within which the system operates. For a public repeatedly promised safety and order, the gap between political rhetoric and what happens in court can be difficult to explain away.
Then came inflation. Remember back in 2024 when Labour entered government promising to ease the cost of living, yet rising prices are once again squeezing households. Meanwhile public sector earnings have been growing strongly as private businesses contend with higher employment costs and weak confidence. None of this has a single cause, and governments cannot simply command inflation to disappear, but voters tend to judge economic promises by the rather unsophisticated method of opening their bank accounts and discovering whether they feel richer. Killing the private section of course doesn’t help, Labour!
And because apparently the Big Top still lacked a final act, the nanny state arrived for the cigars. Proposals affecting tobacco regulation have provoked objections from cigar businesses and members of Winston Churchill’s family, who argue that premium cigars should not be treated identically to cigarettes. Whatever one thinks about tobacco, there is something gloriously British about reaching a moment of soaring debt, strained prisons, stubborn inflation and political scandal, then discovering that somewhere in Whitehall somebody has found time to worry about the humidor.
Perhaps that is Week Five in miniature.
Parliament is not sitting. The national debt is nudging £3 trillion. Inflation is hurting households. Welfare spending is climbing. Serious questions surround crime, immigration and housing. Yet Westminster’s travelling troupe somehow still finds new regulations, new taxes, new powers and new controversies to keep the audience entertained.
No Answer Andy remains ringmaster, Angela Rayner is performing political backflips, the Treasury clowns are checking the audience’s pockets, the planning contortionists are bending local democracy into interesting new shapes, and the nanny state is confiscating Churchill’s cigar.
And Parliament is not even open.
Imagine what they will manage when they get back.
READ ALL ABOUT IT: Links to this week’s top Labour circus acts below:
