Here’s a radical idea. Brace yourself… it’s a real zinger. How about we don’t pay £100 million a year to a foreign government to take away our own islands?
Just a thought. Something simple, elegant, and fiscally sane. Unlike, say, Labour’s current plan.
Because, yes, that’s exactly what the UK government is about to do. In the immortal words of my 11-year-old niece:
“Why are we paying for the privilege of losing?” Even a child gets it.
But no. Under the benevolent wisdom of our new overlords in Whitehall, we are about to fork over £100 million annually to Mauritius, in order to lease back Diego Garcia — part of the Chagos Archipelago which, for the avoidance of doubt, we already own, and don’t currently pay a penny for.
The U.S., which actually uses the island as a major military base, picks up the tab. Not us.
Wait—We Own It, Pay Nothing, and Want to Change That?
Yes. Right now, the U.S. runs the base at Diego Garcia, pays for everything (and we mean everything from desalination plants to airfields to tropical toilet paper). Britain pays basically zilch. Nada. Rien. It’s all handled by Uncle Sam, who’s very happy to do so.
But not for long! Because Labour has swooped in with a thunderous diplomatic faceplant and signed a deal that transforms a zero-cost arrangement into a £100 million-a-year gift to Mauritius—plus £45 million a year in “development aid”, plus a £40 million Chagossian fund, plus inflation indexing, plus unicorns.
Over 99 years, that’s over £30 billion (yes, with a B) handed over for the right to use what we already use, and own, for free.
If fiscal responsibility had a tombstone, this treaty would be etched on it in gold leaf.
Lords of Misrepresentation
And then, just when you thought the absurdity couldn’t crescendo further, a Labour peer stood up in the House of Lords and declared with pompous certainty that “we currently pay about £150 million a year” for Diego Garcia, the same as we will give back.”
Ahem. What? No, milord. That’s what the U.S. pays, not us. Britain’s contribution is so small it couldn’t buy a single fighter jet part or even fund the average BBC diversity workshop. You either don’t know, or you don’t care, or worse… you do know and said it anyway.
Either way, the record must be corrected. Parliament must not be misled into thinking this treaty is a cost-neutral tidy-up. It’s a flaming fiscal albatross strapped to the Treasury’s back for the next century.
Let’s Think Like Engineers, Not Empire Apologists
If this were any other project, we’d scrap it immediately. It’s inefficient. It’s illogical. It serves no national interest. And it punishes British taxpayers for political virtue-signalling.
This is not diplomacy, it’s diplomatic masochism. We’re not returning stolen gold. We’re handing Mauritius a blank cheque and the keys to a strategic military base, all while the U.S. foots the real bill and says nothing. Of course Trump said it was a good deal for the U.S. He’ll soon be getting a free lunch which the British taxpayers will be paying for.
So here’s a revolutionary proposal:
Don’t do the deal.
Just… don’t. Keep the status quo. No rent, no extra cost, no fire sale of national assets dressed up in decolonisation drapery. Let the U.S. pay, let the UK govern, and let Mauritius lobby the UN as they always have… quietly and ineffectually.
Save the £30 billion. Build schools. Fund defence. Don’t pay other countries, who have no right, to take our islands. Ask the Chagossians themselves. They want their islands to remain British!
